Making Time

Last week I had dinner with a good friend. I hadn't seen M since November and thought it was high time we got together again. We went to dinner on a Thursday, which is virtually unheard of in my world (for no other reason than I am usually too tired to do much of anything after school). We talked about this and that and had a great time catching up and hanging out. Afterwards I had to ask myself - Why don't I do this more often? I honestly couldn't find a good answer to my question...just a lot of excuses.

The fact of the matter is, life will always be busy and there will always be tired days; make time for the things that matter - take the time to nurture those relationships that are important to you.

Huge revelation? Not really...but one I needed to come to nevertheless.

Have a great weekend.

Learning to Be True to Me

BC (before cancer) I was very concerned with being perceived a certain way. I would bury the "real" me beneath what I thought people wanted me to be. I found it very difficult to be authentic with myself, much less others. Emotions were not something I easily conveyed.

In the past year, I've realized that discovering who I am and being true to that person is imperative to my mental and physical well being.

I'm starting by making myself my priority. I'm simplifying my life. I am learning how to find joy in the day-to-day. I am learning to relax. I am learning how to have fun. I am learning how to try new things, take more risks, and embrace change. I am learning how to be more courageous; looking at situations that made me fearful before and asking myself - what's the worst that could happen? I am learning to make decisions based on what I want rather than what is expected of me.

I know there was a point in my life when the word no meant nothing to me. I truly believed I could do and be anything I wanted. I was brave. I was secure within myself. I knew who I was. Somewhere along the way I became lost; but I'm committed to getting back to that place. Finding myself again, accepting who and what I am, being content with me.

I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable, beautiful and afraid of nothing as though I had wings.
                                                                                      -Mary Oliver

Making the Choice

I’m currently reading the book, The 30 Day Mental Diet, and to say it has been enlightening is an understatement. It is teaching me to consider my daily walk in a whole different light.

I am realizing that life cannot be against me. Every day may not be good, but there is some good in every day.  In reading this book, I have made a personal commitment to challenge my previous way of thinking and consciously lead my inner dialogue in a positive new direction. I have decided to make the deliberate decision each morning to be happy. I am choosing to like my job. I am choosing to be the best I can be each and every day. I am choosing to be healthy. I am choosing to be authentic – to myself and others. I am realizing I can do anything, but I cannot do everything and I am adjusting the way I live accordingly.

I am a kindergarten teacher, and because we can talk honestly - I can tell you that many days my job is challenging; so challenging in fact, that there are times when I question my career choice. However, what I am starting to realize is my experience as a teacher is going to be whatever I make it. The way I approach each day, whether it is great or miserable is totally up to me. I have the power. I am 100 percent responsible.

As a result, instead of saying I have to go to work; I’ve started saying I get to go to work. It’s amazing what changing that one word in my inner dialogue has done; work is no longer a duty, it’s a blessing. This is not to say I’ve become Pollyanna’s twin sister, skipping to school each day, just happy to be there; however, my attitude shift does help me to enjoy more of the good I see surrounding me and not stress so much over the things I can’t change. And on the days when it’s a little harder to see the good happening around me, I remind myself that not everyone has a job they can go to everyday; I do, and that in and of itself, brings me back to center.

So this is my challenge to you - choose to make each day a good one. Choose to be thankful for your blessings. Choose to be authentic to yourself and live your life the way you’ve always envisioned.  

Choose to be happy.

Thankful

“Your biopsies tested positive for lymphoma.” Those were the last words I heard before I lost all sense of time and space on that sunny day in late September 2010. I have a condition called crohn’s disease and had gone in for a routine check-up when I received the news that would turn my life upside down.

Looking back, I am thankful for my diagnosis. It set me on a path of self discovery that I might not have had the courage to take otherwise. It showed me how truly strong the human spirit can be and how certain aspects of life suddenly become very clear when one is faced with their own mortality.

As I enter 2012, I am in remission from cancer. I am controlling the crohn’s with diet. I don’t take ANY medication.

My journey of self discovery continues. This year I plan to live life to the utmost. I feel better physically than I have in years and I plan to take full advantage of that feeling. I am going to travel, draw, read, and play with my dog. I am going to sit outside and feel the sun on my face. I’m going to get my yoga teacher certification. I’m not going to let the small stuff in life get to me, because when you look at the big picture; it’s all small stuff.

I recently read a quote that said;
The trick is to enjoy life. Don’t wish away your days waiting for better ones ahead.

In 2012 I fully intend to move full speed ahead into the joy that is life, continuously moving forward sans fear or regret.

My wish for you is that you are able to do the same.