Learning to Be True to Me

BC (before cancer) I was very concerned with being perceived a certain way. I would bury the "real" me beneath what I thought people wanted me to be. I found it very difficult to be authentic with myself, much less others. Emotions were not something I easily conveyed.

In the past year, I've realized that discovering who I am and being true to that person is imperative to my mental and physical well being.

I'm starting by making myself my priority. I'm simplifying my life. I am learning how to find joy in the day-to-day. I am learning to relax. I am learning how to have fun. I am learning how to try new things, take more risks, and embrace change. I am learning how to be more courageous; looking at situations that made me fearful before and asking myself - what's the worst that could happen? I am learning to make decisions based on what I want rather than what is expected of me.

I know there was a point in my life when the word no meant nothing to me. I truly believed I could do and be anything I wanted. I was brave. I was secure within myself. I knew who I was. Somewhere along the way I became lost; but I'm committed to getting back to that place. Finding myself again, accepting who and what I am, being content with me.

I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable, beautiful and afraid of nothing as though I had wings.
                                                                                      -Mary Oliver